Trauma can leave a lasting impact on one’s life, and the journey towards healing and recovery from trauma can be long and challenging.
When we experience trauma, it can be difficult to find the words to describe the pain and confusion that we feel. The memories and emotions can become so overwhelming that we may feel trapped in our own minds, unable to break free from the cycle of fear, shame, and self-doubt. But as someone who has walked that path, I can tell you that healing is possible.
In this blog post, I want to share my story with you in the hope that it will inspire and encourage others who may be struggling with their own trauma to seek the help they need and take the first steps towards healing and recovery.
♥♥♥
For eight long years, I carried the weight of shame on my shoulders. Guilt and self-blame consumed every part of me. I convinced myself that I deserved the abuse I endured, and that I was inherently a bad person. But today, I have come to fully understand the truth: I am a survivor, and my decision to break free took immense bravery.
For five years, I suffered in silence, ignoring the pain and trauma that festered within me. In 2019, I finally found the courage to confide in my therapist. I cried my heart out, unleashing years of bottled-up emotions. Though I still had a long way to go, it was a step forward.
I opened up to friends, shared my story online, and sought more therapy. Each time I spoke of the abuse, the memories flooded back, vivid and raw, as if they had happened only yesterday. Sometimes, it felt like I was reliving the experience over and over again.
I still see the abuser’s face in other men sometimes. I still get sudden, overwhelming flashbacks. I still feel fear, terror, and disgust towards myself for trusting him. But each day, I grow stronger. The fear and shame lose their grip on me, and I see myself as a survivor, not a victim.
Trauma is like a monster that lurks in the shadows. It haunts you when you least expect it, suffocating you and making you relive the horrors again and again. Sometimes, it’s hard to keep going when you feel like you’re drowning in your own memories.
But I refuse to let the trauma define me. I refuse to let the abuser win.
Being groomed, manipulated, and controlled by a 31-year-old man when you are 23 might seem overdramatic, but it happened to me. He stole my trust, my dignity, and my sense of safety. But he will not take my spirit.
To my ex-boyfriend: the experiences we had together were incredibly challenging and caused a great deal of pain. However, I am determined not to let those experiences define me. Instead, I choose to focus on my resilience and inner strength, using them as catalysts for healing and personal growth.
Lots of love
Simona xx
If you or someone you know has been impacted by trauma, don’t suffer in silence. Seek help from a mental health professional, trusted friend, or support group. Remember, healing is possible, and you are not alone.
If you need immediate support, please contact a crisis helpline in your area. Together, we can break the silence and create a community of healing and hope.
The following information has been taken from the NHS website.
Signs of domestic violence and abuse
There are different kinds of abuse, but it’s always about having power and control over you.
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you might be in an abusive relationship or experiencing domestic abuse.
Emotional abuse
Does your partner or someone you live with ever:
- belittle you, or put you down?
- blame you for the abuse or arguments?
- deny that abuse is happening, or downplay it?
- isolate you from your family and friends?
- stop you going to college or work?
- make unreasonable demands for your attention?
- accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
- tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
- control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things?
- monitor your social media profiles, share photos or videos of you without your consent or use GPS locators to know where you are?
Threats and intimidation
Does your partner or someone you live with ever:
- threaten to hurt or kill you?
- destroy things that belong to you?
- stand over you, invade your personal space?
- threaten to kill themselves or the children?
- read your emails, texts or letters?
- harass or follow you?
Physical abuse
The person abusing you may hurt you in a number of ways.
Does your partner or someone you live with ever:
- slap, hit or punch you?
- push or shove you?
- bite or kick you?
- burn you?
- choke you or hold you down?
- throw things?
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone.
Does your partner or someone you live with ever:
- touch you in a way you do not want to be touched?
- make unwanted sexual demands?
- hurt you during sex?
- pressure you to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
- pressure you to have sex?
If anyone has sex with you when you do not want to, this is rape. It is still rape if that person is your partner.
Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?
Have you ever changed your behaviour because you’re afraid of what your partner might do?
If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, there are lots of people who can help you.
For more information how to recognise the signs and where to get help please visit NHS website here.
